Sunday, February 13, 2011

Lulz! It begins!

Hey have you ever looked at an old portrait or photo and been like damn, that person is hot?

Probably not, because people were mostly hideous before God invented decent standards for 'good looking' in the 1920s.

Well that's ok because, being freaks, Danielle and I have compiled a list of people from history who are hot. We don't always agree. Danielle likes 'em rugged, I kind of a have a thing for effete poets like Byron, but hey, we're not here to argue. We're here to post BABES.

My first contribution is this smokin' hottie:
Leopold I, hottest King of Belgium ever, possibly. Also, in before the killing people in the Congo thing. 

Leopold is hot for a couple of reasons. One, look at that fucking jaw line. He has a face like a square pizza pan. Manly as all hell. Two, look at his sexily tousled hair. You just know the artist had to hold himself back when painting that shit. Three, look at his eyes. They clearly say "sensitive but willing to fuck people up if they get in my way" without that whole "empty shell of a man who wants to  kill all brown people forever" thing his son had going on :
Motherfuckin' hates brown people

Leopold is hot not only because he was good looking and not a complete psychopath, but because he also was happily married to the rather hideous Princess Charlotte of England, who was like 18 different kinds of Hanoverian ugly (not too bad, there at least 30 kinds in totality), presumably because her personality was bitching:
"Just look away and tell me a witty anecdote or something." 

When she bit the dust, he did not react with glee as might be expected of the rare hot dude in the 19th century who was now free to pursue anybody from the Gallery of Beauties, but had this to say:

"Two generations gone. Gone in a moment! I have felt for myself, but I have also felt for the Prince Regent. My Charlotte is gone from the country—it has lost her. She was a good, she was an admirable woman. None could know my Charlotte as I did know her! It was my study, my duty, to know her character, but it was my delight!" 

That's a big compliment for a chick whose presumably flattering official portrait was this:
The topknot is not doing you any favors, Charlotte.

Alas, Leopold never got over Charlotte dying, and was emotionally distant with his second family, causing both this epic beard:
Perhaps a habitat for endangered woodland creatures? 

and the horrific destruction of the peoples of the Congo:
Yeah that's pretty much horrifying

Lesson: Don't marry ugly chicks who will break your heart by up and dying, hot men from history. Lesson learned indeed! 


  1. I love this forever.

  2. ohmigod, I am so all over this blog.

  3. Wow I am really enjoying these posts. great job!

  4. Prince Leopold(King Leopold I of Belgium) was deeply in love with Princess Charlotte. She was no Grace Kelly but was considered beauty by some. Actually King Leopold's swcond wife looks less attractive than Charlotte. Here is a blog that has a more realistic painting of Charlotte, she actually looks nice.