Sunday, February 20, 2011

Franz Liszt: So Hot He Made the Pageboy Haircut Look Good

You might be familiar with this catchy and slightly annoying tune: Lisztomania, or How Quickly Did this Band Sell Out, Eh?

It's talking about this hunk a hunk of chiseled Adonis:

Ungh. Oh my god. Look at those lips. 

Liszt was basically famous for music and being hot, although it's hard to tell which talent (?) made him more famous. He was from Hungary and seems to have gotten all the genes that exist in Hungary for hotness, which were then later reserved for the exclusive use of the Gabor sisters. Both were child prodigies, Franz in music and sex, Zsa Zsa and sisters, just, well, in sex.
 History will vindicate them. 

Liszt was, like way too many guys from the early 1800s, an emotional weepy pussy whose main occupation, other than playing music and staring into the distance wistfully: 

To his credit, a devastating gaze

Was falling in love with inappropriate women, which in 19th century speak, means having sex with lots of chicks he wasn't planning on marrying. He sexed Europe up so much, he has two Wikipedia articles: Franz Liszt, and The People Franz Liszt Had Sex With. Liszt got involved with princesses, countesses, dairymaids, chambermaids (all kinds of maids, really), and the barnstorming feminist author George Sand: 

Like Everest: because it's there
Now some of you may think that Danielle and I just have weird taste, but Liszt is certifiably hot. He was so hot, people literally collected his hair, spit, broken piano strings, and cigar butts, then encrusted them in jeweled settings as keep sakes. You thought I was kidding, didn't you?

Europe cannot even handle this shit

Liszt remained a sex symbol way into his old age, which I'm not going to show here and ruin your day with. He eventually gave up his wandering ways, having spent most of his youth sponging off of rich people in Europe, and instead took up the earliest form of internet trolling, writing musical reviews in which he wrote things like this:  "I find little in the works of Beethoven, Berlioz, Wagner and others when they are led by a conductor who functions like a windmill."

He also called people Hitler all the time 

1 comment:

  1. day-um, he WAS hot! Thanks for introducing me to this history hottie!